The End

This will be my final post on this blog. I am sorry it has not been a better blog.

I am sorry particularly to those who came here via a Google search for 'student social worker blog' or similar. I didn't write much about social work specifically and that is something I regret.

However, I will say one thing to those of you who may be student social workers yourselves. Don't look for blogs written by people like you. Look for blogs written by the people you will one day be working with. I didn't read blogs written by disabled people until recently and I wish I had read them as a student. They would have given me valuable insight, although of course they do not replace academic texts.

If anyone is interested, my new blog is here: http://thesocialworkerwhobecamedisabled.blogspot.co.uk/

I have lots of ideas for it, and I hope that it will be a much better blog than this one.

Leaving Southampton

Edited version of the rest of 'Tidying Up'

I graduated in July 2008 with a 2:1. I registered with the General Social Care Council and I got myself a job. I was a real, proper social worker and for the first 6 months I walked around at work thinking this over and over, because I couldn't quite believe it.

I left Southampton when I finished university. I didn't really want to, but I did it to preserve my relationship with my then-boyfriend (which had been long-distance). It certainly paid off because I'm now married to him!

It was really hard to leave for several reasons. Firstly, because nearly all my friends stayed behind. The one person who moved away moved back again about 2 years later, so for a little while everyone was in Southampton again except me, until some more people moved away.

Secondly, I loved Southampton. It was a nice place to live and it has nice places nearby (like the New Forest). It also felt like it was my place, the place I chose to be. I grew up in High Wycombe, but that was my parents' choice. Southampton was just far away enough to be somewhere completely different, and it really became home to me.

Finally, I'd lost my Mum about 6 months before, and the stability that my friends provided really helped me. But then I had to leave it, and that brought feelings of loss back again.

The week I left was both manic and emotional. I had the most awful cold and no time to rest because I wanted to see people before I left, learn to knit so I could make a square for the Chaplaincy blanket and I had to pack 3 years of crap into not enough boxes. To make life harder for myself, I had personalised my room quite a lot, so I had to undo all that before I could leave.

I cried for pretty much the whole week, and almost all the way to my Dad's where I stayed for 2 weeks before moving in with my boyfriend.

My friends left behind carried on living together in a kind of grown-up-but-still-studenty way. I joined in when I could escape from the scary responsibilities of my new job and my life that had started to feel terribly grown-up.

There has been a gradual letting-go of university life, as well as a time when we have all grown and changed again. We are all different now from how we were at university, yet still the same. My teachers in 6th Form said that we'd make friends for life at university, and they were right.

Most people have moved away from Southampton, and a fair few of us are married or nearly married. Life goes on, and although at the time it was very hard to leave Southampton and all my friends, it was the right choice and everything has worked out well in the end.

Why I loved Chaplaincy

Edited version of a post written on 25/11/2009

Southampton University Chaplaincy. That is where I spent a lot of my free time at university. I love it so much I've even been back to visit a couple of times since I graduated. A lot of things happened in that place. I laughed, I cried, I danced, I prayed, I partied, I bared my soul, I played games, I got on my soapbox, I ate, I drank and I even slept there once. And I met people. People who turned out to be some of the best friends I have ever had.

The community wasn't perfect. But it was the closest thing to the Kingdom of God that I had ever known. I shared the very best and very worst times of my life with those people. The people I met in Chaplaincy showed me nothing but love. They love me for who I am, and they weren't afraid to show it. For someone who didn't think much of herself, this was a revelation. It was a huge part of healing past hurts. It was a huge part of helping me face new ones.

I lost my Mum during my third year. Utterly out of the blue. One morning in the Christmas holidays I left the house for the day not knowing that I would never be able to hold a conversation with her again. It was the most unexpected and worst thing that had ever happened to me. She was only 55. She wasn't meant to just die. I received countless messages of love and support from people in Chaplaincy. Three of them, and Simon (the Chaplain at the time), travelled 70 miles to be at her funeral to support me. People gave me flowers, listened to me, cooked for me, kept me company, hugged me and prayed for me. They propped me up when I was crumbling and that meant I still finished my degree on time. When I couldn't bear to talk to God myself, others did it for me. God still reached out to me. He used their hands.

I know I'm not the only one that Chaplaincy has supported in this way. I know that Simon supported other students at the funerals of their loved ones. Simon and the community have supported people with various mental health problems, people suffering in the wake of relationship breakdowns, people who were lonely, people who were stressed, people who needed someone. Chaplaincy does what Jesus would do- reach out to people in their darkest hour, even if they are strangers. Chaplaincy was welcoming, hospitable and friendly. I'm not the only one who has said that they've found true friends there. And there's an openness and acceptance for people just as they are. They won't think you're weird. If you're feeling down they'll give you a hug and a cup of tea and when you feel better they'll take you for an awesome night out. They don't preach at you at the Chaplaincy. They just love you.

I don't know if it's the same anymore. If it has gone a bit quiet, I know that God is waiting there in stillness and in silence, for people to come and be that community once again.

Tidying Up

The following is a post I drafted a while back and never published. I thought it was time I drew this blog to a conclusion, so I'm posting this now. I have edited it a little bit, to bring it up to date.

I suddenly remembered that I have a blog the other day. Sitting here in cyberspace, doing nothing. So I'm back. Hello. I just popped by to do some tidying up.

You see I am a very tidy person (most of the time) and when I came back to see if my blog was still here (as if anyone but me could have deleted it!!), I didn't like it, because it sort of hangs in midair, unfinished and a bit rubbish. Mainly that's because I didn't blog much. But what makes it worse is that it is about my time as a student, that time ended about 4 1/2 years ago, and the blog isn't finished. I discovered several unpublished posts in my drafts, and some of them could provide quite a nice conclusion.

So that is what I am going to do. I'm going to finish this blog by posting some edited highlights of the unpublished stuff, then that will be that. I have recently been inspired to start a new blog, so I'll post details of that here too.

Endings

In social work, they say endings are important. At the moment I am feeling simliar feelings in my social work life and in my life in general. So I'm devoting a whole blog post to endings, because I'm feeling sad and reflective and something that I can't describe, as I always do at this time of year. I don't know what I'm going to do when I don't have a long summer to think about life, because that's what I'm looking forward to now.

Today in Chaplaincy we had a picnic in the garden to mark the end of an era. The garden that I fought so hard to save is being bulldozed tomorrow. I'm still angry and sad even though it's a battle I lost what seems like a long time ago now. We do have a compromise but it's of little consolation to me. I hate it when green spaces get destroyed.

Last year in halls I had a lovely view out of my window of a big tree. When I moved into my room I thought how lovely it would be to see the tree change through the seasons. But before it could grow it's new leaves again in the spring, they chopped it down. I loved my tree, and then it was gone. I will be glad not to be around Chaplaincy when they start pulling the trees and bushes down tomorrow. I am still on placement so I'll be at work. The best place for me. I would cry. I dread to think what it'll be like when I return to Chaplaincy next week when I'm back on campus again.

On Wednesday I'm finishing my placement at the residential home. It hasn't been the best time of my life but I have learnt a lot and there are people who I will miss. Over the last six weeks I have been doing a split placement between there and a hospital social work team. So on Thursday it will be last day there. I will miss that too, in the short time I've been there they have been so welcoming and lovely.

Then I have 3 weeks of lectures during which time my friends will slowly drift home. The academic year will end gradually. At the Chaplaincy service this afternoon we wrote down what we loved about Chaplaincy and about each other. It was lovely to see how everyone appriciates each other and that we have made such good friends. I've never had so many lovely friends all in one place before. Friends, if you are reading this (you know who you are)- I love you.

Then after my lectures I will have to pack up my stuff and move house. I will miss my peaceful little room. My window looks out onto the garden which has lots of trees, and so do the houses either side, so I'm up in the tree tops. It is mostly quiet apart from the birds singing. This morning it was lovely to be woken up with the sun streaming in the window and the woodpigeons cooing. But I won't miss my fussy-about-the-cleaning housemate, being woken up by people being sick at 5am, not being proper friends with my housemates and the fact that I've now got more stuff so it doesn't fit in my room very well.

In my next house there will be 3 of my friends, with others promising to visit often. I will have a bigger room, which may work out to be a little cheaper than my current one in the end (work that one out!). When I am on placement I won't feel like I'm missing out because my friends will be there when I get home. I'm really looking forward to it.

Life and social work- sometimes the line in between is blurry. Endings are one of those things.

The Image of God in others

For a long while I loved the idea that there is a part of God's spirit within each of us, along with the idea that everyone is made in the image of God. This really helped me today when I was thinking about my struggle to find purpose in my placement. I thought about The parable of the sheep and the goats. God whispered in my ear, ‘I was silent and you gave me a voice’. He said that he was calling me to give these people a voice. Here is my own version of Matthew 25:35-36. Imagine a user of social services saying it to you.

I was hungry and you fed me
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink
I was homeless, and you found me somewhere to live
I was shivering, and you gave me some clothes
I was sick, and you visited me
I was in prison, and you still cared
I was cast out, but you included me
I was ignored, but you took the time to talk to me
But most of all, I was silent, and you gave me a voice.

Autumn term, Christmas, New Year and Beyond...

You'll have noticed that I haven't blogged. Like, ever. I didn't have time last term and I don't know if I will next term. If I do have time I shall endeavour to write some more social worky stuff, which should be easier as I'll be on placement. For now, I will try and summarise what I did last term.

I've started the ball rolling on SCM opening it's own bank account, which it now needs as an affiliated society, organised training for the committee, plugged the conference like nothing else and did the usual in terms of the day to day running like committee meetings etc. I'm pleased with how it has progressed, and next term's plans are looking good. As President I've had to sit on Chaplaincy Student Council and Chaplaincy Advisory group, on both of which I have been as vocal as possible, pushing the 'garden agenda' as hard as I could. I coordinated a petition to try and prevent the University building a car park on the Chaplaincy garden, and went to countless meetings and got suitably stressed being in the middle of the irate students (and Chaplains!!) from Chaplaincy, the SU and Estates and Facilities. It was worth it, though, because we came to a suitable compromise without messing up any of the relations between any of the parties involved.

I somehow also found time to attend Chaplaincy services twice a week and do a bit of hanging around in Chaplaincy. I've had some nice weekends with Ian and some time at home for family events. I have carried on with Contemporary Dance every week except the last and made it to Ballet when I could. I've been at the pub an awful lot, doing the quiz on a Thursday night with friends, which has been fabulous fun. Oh and I haven't missed a single lecture or tutorial.

So, that was the last 11 weeks. Since coming homes it's just been Christmas, Christmas, Christmas and now it's nearly New Year. I still haven't done enough reading for the courses I took over the Autumn term and I've only got a few available days left before I have to return to Southampton and begin my placement ('So what are you doing blogging then?' I hear you ask).

The placement is at a Social Services run older people's home. More than that I cannot say, due to confidentiality. I hope it will be ok, my only concerns are a) that they don't employ social workers so I will not have any experience of actually doing the work of a social worker, I will be doing only similar work and b) that I do not yet have a practice teacher with whom I can discuss my concerns and who will be able to suggest ways in which I can creatively make this placement meet my needs. What my supervisor has already suggested sounds great to me, but I need to check that it will help me to meet the National Occupational Standards in social work.

Next term promises to be less busy in terms of the societies and so on, but I do have things such as the SCM conference, and the summer promises my 21st Birthday celebrations, Taize, Greenbelt, mediaeval reenactment, another holiday to Cornwall- much to look forward to in the coming year.

I'm also beginning to look further into the future. I'm now about halfway through my degree, and the end is in sight. I know I have more than a year still, but I know that my final year will be full of planning for the end and applying for jobs and so on.

Oh well, best concentrate on the here and now I suppose. That means that sadly I must sign off and go and read some of my course handbook so I know what on earth I'm supposed to be doing for the next few months, before our New Year guests arrive. Ho hum.